Coldest sunshine I never felt.
05-20-09 19:32
I woke up at 10:00 after a very naughty dream. It was a good way to rise.
I seemed to know what it was that I planned to do with my morning before having developed the thought. I put on my skinnies and made my newly broken out face presentable with the usual gobs of liquid eyeliner and artificial cheek color; my god, I am pale. A scarf and peacoat later, I was out the door, book in hand.
"Its cold outside." I remarked to the stairway. Walking in my usual brisk manor, my sleepy but willing legs made their way to the coffee shop a block away. I have such mixed feelings about the shop. I enjoy its janky construction and its mismatched furniture. The mismatched baristas and their mismatched owner. The mismatched local artists whose mismatched works grace the mismatched walls. Its just so uncomfortably comfortable.
The guy at the counter I have always thought was attractive. Very tall and fit. Darker skinned and more afro than he needs. Heavy framed glasses against his boyish, feminine eyes. And a 14 guage nosering that stands out like a high class hooker in church. With him, I order 12 ounces of black gold and make my way past clicking laptops and their glazed owners towards the back door. This door leads to the mismatched patio.
I like the patio. Its covered. During the winter months, I am the only one out there. I like that. It seems to be full of whatever was around - office chairs, picinic and coffee tables, and a musty pink couch with holes in the arms and cigarette burns in the cushions. That's where I sit. If its taken, I walk home. Luckily, and as usual, it wasn't. I found an ashtray on one of the picnic tables and set it so near to myself that I must have looked like a toddler unwilling to share. I pulled out my book and and cigarettes simultaneously.
Thompson. If anything in this world makes me want to double fist cigarettes until the second coming, its Thompson.
I send on my modern phone a modern text to my modern boyfriend, wondering if hes read the book I recently unearthed from my modern living room. He has not read it but has heard good things. Although, he might be biased. I mean, he was Hunter for Halloween for Christs sake.
That's what I did. I read in the sunshine, colder than everyone else seemed to be. This coffee shop was so similar to the one I frequented only a short time ago that it felt like home.
I wondered what a short amount of time was - to me and to others. I wondered what brought me there, day after the one before it and what would bring me there in the days to come. Or others, for that matter. What motivates? I wondered why I enjoy the color seafoam and why strangers are strange (also if the word in and of itself lends to preconceived notions of those we do not yet know.) I realized that I had stopped reading. I realized that I was only wondering. That there was so much that I had yet to learn, do, understand and experience.
...
And then I woke up. It was a dream of me visiting this coffee shop that I did indeed both visit and enjoy a while back.
It happened like reading a novel. Just like it. Sometimes I saw through my eyes and sometimes I was merely narrating to myself. It's the most unique way that my brain has ever decided to direct a dream.
Not a particularly interesting dream. It was in fact, so typical that in hindsight, it feels more like a memory. I suppose more happened near the end but it got rather personal by that point.
A lil' wacky, s'all.
I seemed to know what it was that I planned to do with my morning before having developed the thought. I put on my skinnies and made my newly broken out face presentable with the usual gobs of liquid eyeliner and artificial cheek color; my god, I am pale. A scarf and peacoat later, I was out the door, book in hand.
"Its cold outside." I remarked to the stairway. Walking in my usual brisk manor, my sleepy but willing legs made their way to the coffee shop a block away. I have such mixed feelings about the shop. I enjoy its janky construction and its mismatched furniture. The mismatched baristas and their mismatched owner. The mismatched local artists whose mismatched works grace the mismatched walls. Its just so uncomfortably comfortable.
The guy at the counter I have always thought was attractive. Very tall and fit. Darker skinned and more afro than he needs. Heavy framed glasses against his boyish, feminine eyes. And a 14 guage nosering that stands out like a high class hooker in church. With him, I order 12 ounces of black gold and make my way past clicking laptops and their glazed owners towards the back door. This door leads to the mismatched patio.
I like the patio. Its covered. During the winter months, I am the only one out there. I like that. It seems to be full of whatever was around - office chairs, picinic and coffee tables, and a musty pink couch with holes in the arms and cigarette burns in the cushions. That's where I sit. If its taken, I walk home. Luckily, and as usual, it wasn't. I found an ashtray on one of the picnic tables and set it so near to myself that I must have looked like a toddler unwilling to share. I pulled out my book and and cigarettes simultaneously.
Thompson. If anything in this world makes me want to double fist cigarettes until the second coming, its Thompson.
I send on my modern phone a modern text to my modern boyfriend, wondering if hes read the book I recently unearthed from my modern living room. He has not read it but has heard good things. Although, he might be biased. I mean, he was Hunter for Halloween for Christs sake.
That's what I did. I read in the sunshine, colder than everyone else seemed to be. This coffee shop was so similar to the one I frequented only a short time ago that it felt like home.
I wondered what a short amount of time was - to me and to others. I wondered what brought me there, day after the one before it and what would bring me there in the days to come. Or others, for that matter. What motivates? I wondered why I enjoy the color seafoam and why strangers are strange (also if the word in and of itself lends to preconceived notions of those we do not yet know.) I realized that I had stopped reading. I realized that I was only wondering. That there was so much that I had yet to learn, do, understand and experience.
...
And then I woke up. It was a dream of me visiting this coffee shop that I did indeed both visit and enjoy a while back.
It happened like reading a novel. Just like it. Sometimes I saw through my eyes and sometimes I was merely narrating to myself. It's the most unique way that my brain has ever decided to direct a dream.
Not a particularly interesting dream. It was in fact, so typical that in hindsight, it feels more like a memory. I suppose more happened near the end but it got rather personal by that point.
A lil' wacky, s'all.
